Ok... finally~ i got time to post an entry...

again~ we had another all time hell-ish fight... guess i wasn't sensitive enough to feel jun's feelings especially after he became a store-man. Even though i'd told him that it doesn't matter coz what he do in camp, doesn't affect him in the society after he ORD. But i failed to see that words are just reasons and not exactly that comforting. He calls himself the slut of the company as he is tasked with lots of shit and duties that includes a wide variety. Seriously, this is just a passing phase and be it you like it or not, there is nothing much you can do about it. Just go thru the motion and wait for ORD~ Jun have also started seeing a counsellor, and i really hope it helps. I would actually hope to have it for myself, except that my parents are already complaining how expensive my medications are. So therapies are kinda not in the option for now.

I had been so busy with work, adjusting to deal with all the pressures coming from work, studies and friends... planning for my U.S trip have really distracted me from spending quality time with Jun.

Sometimes, i really wish Jun can learn to be more independent and get out of his world. There are so much going on outside~ and i'd come to realize, Jun tends to deny feeling happy when he's with his friends becoz some part of him feels bad coz i'm not there. Silly guy, all i want u to do is to be true with your feelings. If you enjoy going out with them... then so be it. There is NOTHING to be guilty about.

I'd lost my patience baby-sitting him as i myself, was going thru rough patch as well. The new cocktail of my medications somehow, got me worse... i was sinking and floating like a roller coaster... and i only realize that after a few episodes. Lucky me, there were some left-overs from the previous prescription and now i'm more stable and under control, then i caught a cold and apparently, i'm coughing my lungs out. And from the previous procedure from Dr. Venga~ i'd got some infection and it feels horrible~ all and all adds up to the ultimate frustrations~

With all these stuff going, on~ we were both confused, angry and frustrated with each other and resulted all the arguements and fights. Like i'd said, we still have yet to learn to talk to each other properly~ the trust issue is still there... actually, i don't mind Jun reading my sms(s) but for him to sneak around and read it when i'm sleeping, just reminds me of my scary betrayal~ thus, i felt that he is just waiting for a chance to attack me and hurt me. And to resolve this issue, i told Jun that he is free to read whatever he wants so long he ask for it. But i have this habit of deleting sms(s) coz i hate it when it starts to lag my phone. Unlike Jun, he can store up to 300++ msg in his phone... which kinda annoys me also. Hahaha...

We are still trying to learn to compromise spending time with each other. I am someone whom can sit and read for hours, whereas Jun have pricks on his ass that he will start irritating me. I don't mind lazing at his place, in his room, but the smoking part~ kinda... become a problem. I respect that his family is a non-smoking family, and so, i don't want to "pollute" his room/ house.

On certain days, i would want to go walk around, shop around and see things, see people, and feed my shopping thirst... lolz~ but there is just so little places we can really go, coz most of the malls, have almost the same brands, varieties and stuff. But the usual favourite places are Bishan J8, Bugis Junction, Takashimaya, HMV, sometimes- Causeway Point and of course, Marina Square. This is another conflict, coz Jun don't want me to spend money~ and he is FOREVER wanting hugs, kisses and ya... hot sex~

So we are still learning~ how to balance this whole thingy... no one said it would be easy~ but one thing for sure... we need to talk to each other with an open mind, take comments openly and not personally, learn to trust one another, and learn to respect each other's culture, habits, family and friends. Something for me to learn~ coz i can be a total bitch from hell~ especially when i lose my mind.

Oh well, i'm taking a break from doing my essay... just two more days to go and i can be off for my White Christmas. Which still, makes me wonder if i'll freeze to death~ i'd been hearing lots of horror stories abt winter days... Hmmmm~

Last year's Christmas was with Jun at Amara Hotel, where he got drunk with free-flow of red wine... lolz~ i certainly hope he will be able to find himself some programs and be happy... but that excludes having sex or bring some ex-gf home. I promise you, if you do that~ i'm so gonna starve you from insanely hot sex for a long long time. But should you really want to organize some gathering at your place which involves having girls around, do pls~ send me a SMS and let me know. It is part of the RESPECT...

To give Jun some security, i'd unactivated my account at Zoosk~ so no more Cyber Friends~ hope this helps... or least, prove something.

Ok... this is so becoming a essay~

but there is something i want to mention...

I noticed that everytime, we blog about how sweet and nice things are, some time later, we will get into some ugly fight... i think there's this vodoo curse or jinx~ but i like to go against the odds...

So, i'll still post sweet entries if there is any~

I'll try to post more up-dates before i fly~ and will send Jun lots of emails~ and hopefully, we can find time to MSN or webcam.

okie dokie...

gotta go~

I Love You lots~ even though you're such an ass~ least i know, you're my hot ass...

muacks!