last night was a hell of a screw~ wait for ger at airport at 12. walk around to see for danger people, but end of day meet amy. initially was rather caution of her. but as we chat, feel that both of us have a common goal, for gerlind to b happy. but sadly both did the wrong way and is equally screwed. seriously its nice chatting with her. better than what i expected after the kelvin thing. but still need to becareful on what i say la`

ger reached at 3++ she was angry that i came. she was cold to me. keep talking to amy. was too tired to have some solo time with me. i am rather disappointed. as i have been waiting for this faithful day for so so damn freakin long.


sort of qurral abit...

but fact is fact, no way to push around. i have to book in today and will only be able to see her this thurs. feel damn miserable but, what to do...

cheer up....

i have to....

i need to...

i think you are equally screwed. i have nothign to give but to remain good hope that is what u need. i'll be there no matter what. promiss

LOVE YOU, forever and always... muack`

where u are.... tot u should b here by now. its 2. guess ur comming back tomorro 4pm sg time.

arg... this is so killing me~.... call mi when u see this.

241208 now its 12.53pm... still in camp waiting for people to setle my store, then i can go home.
sigh... how are u? missing u hope to hear from u... see ya~

thank you sugar for blogging...

i know it hasn't been easy for you ever since you got into Maju... i know that place sucks~ and till today, ur vocation is still messed up... just hang in there and take it as a passing phase... just couple of months to go before you ORD... then u can kiss that hell goodbye.

it is 2.30am here.... we are about to go out to the malls, shopping and stuff~ lind isn't feeling too well, so am i... i'm like having this migraine tat just won't go away no matter what. i took all the pills and stuff, but it just won't go away~

i hope i can find something nice for you here~ we'll see...

blog later~

muacks!

from 6 till now i am trying to fix up my blog... but guess all my computer vibe is gone...
i no longer know how to make a blog any more....
anyway went thru this song. felt its nice...


frank gor.. never fail`

its 8++ but i am so relucten to return camp. sianz.... have to do so coz i have no choice...

thats life...

just wan to let u know that i miss u . but i don wish my missing will turn into pressure and make ur trip unhappy. so i try to forcus other thing. when ur back` i make sure i stick u like glue... u die...

jun is happy with his new hp. can take photo and listen to mp3. but bring to camp is abit troublesome. sigh... army sux to core... its cold down here. making my mood damn lousy.

life stil goes on...

to day a simple day for mi just eat sleep and rot...

k la... jun go prepare le.. bye~ muack` have a good day...
i pray to ti gong nice weather at urside la... or maybe u can try xiao hu zi.
maybe reception is better over there.... cia~

hmmm~

some lazy ass didn't update...

nevermind~ i can do it like a thousand miles away from home... thank god for the invention of internet...

it is 11pm over here... something like 3pm over at SG...

kinda miss my man, and even though i enjoyed my trip, i still feel empty inside... couples holding hands... and i'm so far from my man...

i want my baby baby... someone to love me and someone to hold... all for my own, in a big red bow!

miss you lots baby....

ok... i'm now bloggin from Oregon, Portland- Tigard...

the flight was long and grilling, but for some weird reason, i slept all the way thru it... literally dead sleeping.

haven't been able to talk to jun, coz the timing was quite right and he is at field camp. so there isn't a chance for a conversation yet.

everything is is pretty good, ppl are nice, friendly and the food, is very much a typical american style.

it is snowing outside as i'm typing now... it was still very much nice and slightly warm just now... the wind is gushing and the snow flakes are everywhere. The roof tops and grass patches are all white! just like in the movies... white all round.

literally a WHITE christmas...

there isn't much we can do as the weather kinda suck and it is dangerous to drive around coz it is wet and icy...

and the funny thing is, wherever i go, there are ppl in distress that i have to counsel and do wonders... and i just did... i kinda opened up Jamie (mike's daughter) and things are really warming up in the family.

i haven't do any shopping coz everything here is freaking expensive... my breakfast cum lunch was already abt SG 30... ya, u can imagine.

there isn't much of sunlight, so you actually feel like tired all the time...

kinda boring actually~

so much for now...

hopefully i can hear from you soon.

love ya lots!

Oh~

another day is gone....

today was rather busy~ running all over the island to get things done...

it would have been lots easier should dad not gone to china... so no choice, but to do what i can for now.

wonder how's jun doing~ he's on a field camp thingy~ dunno when he'll be able to call me, hopefully before i fly off bahz~ dunno la... kinda feel empty...

everyone around me is so freaking excited, but i'm like~ feeling normal lo... till now, i have yet to pack my bags and i think i'll be doing some last minute packing. Pray hard that i'll have everything i need.

This will be the first Longest, Furthest trip i'd ever done alone~ and sounds kinda werid coz i'll have transit at tokoyo... it is gonna be a long flight~ total i'll be clocking 18- 20 hours~ think i will spend most time on flight sleeping or reading... thankfully, i've got the MP3 from Jun~ so at least i know i won't be that bored.

k lar...

enough for today~

i'm still coughing, hoping it well get better which i don't think so~ sigh...

tired le~ just finished my assignments, now they are all ready for submission...

all is left is the paper work at the main office~ then i think i'd cleared it all... the holiday mood will probably set in when i touch down in Portland.

Yawnz~

muacks!

Shontelle Layne : T-Shirt



Hey, ohh, let me tell you no.
Oh baby.
Trying to decide, trying to decide if I, really wanna go out tonight.
I never use to go out without you, I'm not sure I remember how to.
I'm gonna be late gonna be late but, all my girls gonna have to wait cause, I don't know if I like my outfit.
I tried everything in my closet.

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you, sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos.
Taking them off cause I feel a fool, trying to dress up when I'm missing you.
Ima step out of this lingerie, curl up in a ball with something Hanes.
In that I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on.
Oh, with nothing but your t-shirt on.

Hey, gotta be strong gotta be strong but I'm, really hurting now that you're gone.
I thought maybe I'd do some shopping, but I didn't get past the door and, now I don't know now I don't know if I'm, ever really gonna let you go and I, couldnt even leave my appartment.
I'm stripped down torn up about it.

Trying to decide, trying to decide if I, really wanna go out tonight.
I couldn't even leave my appartment, I'm stripped down torn up about it.

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you, sick of this dress and these jimmy choos.
Taking them off cause I feel a fool, trying to dress up when I'm missing you.
Ima step out of this lingerie, curl up in a ball with something hanes.
In that I lay.

Hey hey, nothing feels right when I'm not with you.
Sick of this dress and these jimmy choos.
Taking them off cause I feel a fool, trying to dress up when I'm mising you.
Ima step out of this lengerie, curl up in a ball with something hanes.
In that I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on.
In nothing but your t-shirt on(2x)

Ok... finally~ i got time to post an entry...

again~ we had another all time hell-ish fight... guess i wasn't sensitive enough to feel jun's feelings especially after he became a store-man. Even though i'd told him that it doesn't matter coz what he do in camp, doesn't affect him in the society after he ORD. But i failed to see that words are just reasons and not exactly that comforting. He calls himself the slut of the company as he is tasked with lots of shit and duties that includes a wide variety. Seriously, this is just a passing phase and be it you like it or not, there is nothing much you can do about it. Just go thru the motion and wait for ORD~ Jun have also started seeing a counsellor, and i really hope it helps. I would actually hope to have it for myself, except that my parents are already complaining how expensive my medications are. So therapies are kinda not in the option for now.

I had been so busy with work, adjusting to deal with all the pressures coming from work, studies and friends... planning for my U.S trip have really distracted me from spending quality time with Jun.

Sometimes, i really wish Jun can learn to be more independent and get out of his world. There are so much going on outside~ and i'd come to realize, Jun tends to deny feeling happy when he's with his friends becoz some part of him feels bad coz i'm not there. Silly guy, all i want u to do is to be true with your feelings. If you enjoy going out with them... then so be it. There is NOTHING to be guilty about.

I'd lost my patience baby-sitting him as i myself, was going thru rough patch as well. The new cocktail of my medications somehow, got me worse... i was sinking and floating like a roller coaster... and i only realize that after a few episodes. Lucky me, there were some left-overs from the previous prescription and now i'm more stable and under control, then i caught a cold and apparently, i'm coughing my lungs out. And from the previous procedure from Dr. Venga~ i'd got some infection and it feels horrible~ all and all adds up to the ultimate frustrations~

With all these stuff going, on~ we were both confused, angry and frustrated with each other and resulted all the arguements and fights. Like i'd said, we still have yet to learn to talk to each other properly~ the trust issue is still there... actually, i don't mind Jun reading my sms(s) but for him to sneak around and read it when i'm sleeping, just reminds me of my scary betrayal~ thus, i felt that he is just waiting for a chance to attack me and hurt me. And to resolve this issue, i told Jun that he is free to read whatever he wants so long he ask for it. But i have this habit of deleting sms(s) coz i hate it when it starts to lag my phone. Unlike Jun, he can store up to 300++ msg in his phone... which kinda annoys me also. Hahaha...

We are still trying to learn to compromise spending time with each other. I am someone whom can sit and read for hours, whereas Jun have pricks on his ass that he will start irritating me. I don't mind lazing at his place, in his room, but the smoking part~ kinda... become a problem. I respect that his family is a non-smoking family, and so, i don't want to "pollute" his room/ house.

On certain days, i would want to go walk around, shop around and see things, see people, and feed my shopping thirst... lolz~ but there is just so little places we can really go, coz most of the malls, have almost the same brands, varieties and stuff. But the usual favourite places are Bishan J8, Bugis Junction, Takashimaya, HMV, sometimes- Causeway Point and of course, Marina Square. This is another conflict, coz Jun don't want me to spend money~ and he is FOREVER wanting hugs, kisses and ya... hot sex~

So we are still learning~ how to balance this whole thingy... no one said it would be easy~ but one thing for sure... we need to talk to each other with an open mind, take comments openly and not personally, learn to trust one another, and learn to respect each other's culture, habits, family and friends. Something for me to learn~ coz i can be a total bitch from hell~ especially when i lose my mind.

Oh well, i'm taking a break from doing my essay... just two more days to go and i can be off for my White Christmas. Which still, makes me wonder if i'll freeze to death~ i'd been hearing lots of horror stories abt winter days... Hmmmm~

Last year's Christmas was with Jun at Amara Hotel, where he got drunk with free-flow of red wine... lolz~ i certainly hope he will be able to find himself some programs and be happy... but that excludes having sex or bring some ex-gf home. I promise you, if you do that~ i'm so gonna starve you from insanely hot sex for a long long time. But should you really want to organize some gathering at your place which involves having girls around, do pls~ send me a SMS and let me know. It is part of the RESPECT...

To give Jun some security, i'd unactivated my account at Zoosk~ so no more Cyber Friends~ hope this helps... or least, prove something.

Ok... this is so becoming a essay~

but there is something i want to mention...

I noticed that everytime, we blog about how sweet and nice things are, some time later, we will get into some ugly fight... i think there's this vodoo curse or jinx~ but i like to go against the odds...

So, i'll still post sweet entries if there is any~

I'll try to post more up-dates before i fly~ and will send Jun lots of emails~ and hopefully, we can find time to MSN or webcam.

okie dokie...

gotta go~

I Love You lots~ even though you're such an ass~ least i know, you're my hot ass...

muacks!

ur pillow

mi now

k la... a return to ur photo to mine. ur pillow got case le.

my only grestest assest. next is.... herm... u noe...

sniffy...

gatta go back camp le. hope u read this. good luck for ur trip.

waiting fo ur call. hope to hear u today. 13-12-08

pls call mi. alot to talk.

假如

一份愛能承受多少的誤解
熬過飄雪的冬天
一句話能撕裂多深的牽連
變的比陌生人還遙遠
最初的愛越像火燄
最後越會被風熄滅
有時候真話太尖銳
有人只好說著謊言

假如時光到流我能做什麼
找你沒說的卻想要的
假如我不放手你多年以後
會怪我恨我或感動
想假如是最空虛的痛

一個人要看過幾次愛凋謝
才甘心在孤獨裡冬眠

最初的愛越像火燄
最後越會被風熄滅
有時候真話太尖銳
有人只好說著謊言

假如時光到流我能做什麼
找你沒說的卻想要的
假如我不放手你多年以後
會怪我恨我或感動
想假如是最空虛的痛

為什麼幸福都是幻夢
一靠近天堂也就快醒了
或需着爱情更像落葉
看似飛翔卻在墜落

假如時光到流我能做什麼
找你沒說的卻想要的
假如我不放手你多年以後
會怪我恨我或感動

假如真可以讓時光到流你會做什麼
一樣選擇我或不抱我
假如溫柔放手你是否懂得
走錯了可以再回頭
想假如
是無力的寂寞

its 1.30 late silent night. no one is home. ma went jb and jie at bf place.

tomorro duty in camp. need to reach at 8. so need wake up at 6.

lifehas been simple. start with the day we qurrel.

when i went up my place. i sleep and sleep. basically just sleep.
wake up at 8. felt sightly better. mood more stable. but don
think ur in mood to talk.

mon
rot at home and not feeling well. diarrea, tummy ach. sleep
again. feel so restless till 7 plus. u still don wan to come. decide to
go ah to see doc. doc see and give med, did't give mc. no appitite.

tues to fri
work work. feel like crap. no mc so see mo. also no mc, but att b.
feel like crap still gatta work. keep workin, don wan to think too much.
know when thoughts sink in. the feeling will hurt like hell. tired my self
and knock out.

fri is comming, hope to meet u grew greater. till afternoon cannot help it
called u but no reply. struggle between to let go or not fight. i decide to
take it easy. i have no more right to fight for what i wan. i admit all i give
is hurt. i'm unstable. blow anytime.

mouth got 2 ulcer. pain liek hell. guess did;t drink much water.

see councellor le. when talking about pa, can feel i still feel sour.
than she do the genogram realise i have no one to anchor my
emotion to but u. than maybe its errickson theory, trust vs mistrust
thats y i don really trust people, have problem sharing and getting
together. next appointment will be 2 jan. i'm lookin forward for it.

what u said today is real hurting. i really have no right to comment.
thou what u said i don believe, but it does give those disgusting feeling.
its not nice. i'm learning to let go. guess so are u.

i only have ur pillow. thats my greatest assect.

i'm in fear too. fearing to hurt u. but miss u at the same time.

today last chance to meet but unable to catch it.

well fate ba. tomorro will go back camp. monday feild camp till fri.

will not have chance to see ur reply if there is any.

i'll wait for ur reply and wait for u.

sneaking in to do a quick post before i get knock out by the medication.

Jun is having dinner alone at Botak~ sorrie dear, i wish i can be there...

i'm down with cold and fever plus asthma... but it is NOT going to change my plans of sleeping over for the long weekend. Which is only left with 2 days... good enough for me though.

*TouchWood* but things seem to be getting better between us... i believe we both hope that it would last!

Guess we are still learning how to love each other and ya, TALK PROPERLY!!! lolz...

i love the fact that my jun jun is back to normal... and ya, i'm going to be a good ger to take my medicine on time and not skip a dose.

Think jun is on his way back home... awww~ i missed him already...

anywayz... short and sweet~

LOVE YOU LOTS!!!

Sniffy... muacks!